I had a rough day today. Not enough sleep last night, too much funny comedy on the web to keep me up. Exhausting weekend, but super fun and sober. Today I had committed myself to substituting for a 2nd/3rd Grade Combo Class. It wasn't that great, to be honest. They were very talkative, feeling listless because of the insane heat and not very powerful but very noisy air conditioner, and I was cranky as all hell.
After school, I met with my supporting beginning teaching program advisor, and it went well. I was able to convince her I've done a lot of work, which I have, but got several assignments to complete. All before Wednesday, and I have a "Teaching Writing Conference" and meetings to attend between now and 7:30 Wednesday morning. I could have done more work, but I haven't, and I guess I sadly accept that.
Then I came home, and was hip hopping around on cyberspace. I did something totally out of taste, even if it was intended for another target, and then just crumbled. I just started self-pitying it up, letting those voices take over and beat myself up for a few minutes. I even shed some teensy little tears and somewhere in the back of my mind thought of the wine tasting going on close by. But then I took some deep breaths. Calmed myself down. Drank some water, and read some Big Book. I tried to turn the energy around, congratulating others on their accomplishments and trying to be grateful for something. Anything. But it isn't working. I think maybe I've found the angry part of recovery. But it isn't going to take me back there.
2 comments:
I think we all feel forgotten and get into a stump and its a relief to hear because that's what makes us all human. I understand with both cause its been quite that kind of month for me. Keep up the hardwork! You are awesome!
thanks honey. love you.
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