Family Crap

I really want a meeting. Lakers lost, which bums me out, and there has been an overwhelming amount of family issues being tossed out. All I can really say is, staying sober in the real world is rough. I totes wanted a drink during the game, or at least a cigarette, but being at the parents' house, the latter was not viable. Needless to say, my jaw is tired from being clenched and upset about the bad plays by the Lakers and deep breathing has become my friend.

Family issues are the worst, and most prevalent, because of the obligatory calls to my mom, who is amazingly close to her entire family, both hers and my father's. The problems are about people who I care deeply about, and want to have the most control over, but just cannot. The pain that is caused by one's poor choices is dissected and re-evaluated by my mom, who then passes it on to me. Being that it's habit, and that I want to support my mom, I have to listen. Then I get worried, and everything turns into that knot that I wrote about the other night. However, I will prevail. I have to let go, because if I don't ... that knot might just turn into a craving.

I am so grateful though. I mean, my mom has overcome so very much, and she has persevered through a tragic upbringing and created her own successes in life. Her strength kept her company through an uprooting from Honduras and an arrival in a new country. The losses she survived last year and this year, the sickness she dealt with this year and overcame -- she's never given up. I have to appreciate her strength, because she has surely passed it on to me. The ever-compassionate love and forgiveness she has shown to her family members, some of whom have betrayed her, has never once wavered. She is a remarkable woman who loves her Lakers. And I am very grateful she is still with me.