From Breathing to Sunshine

I had a great night out karaoke-ing with my friends. Oh yes, NKOTB was performed along with the dance in 4-inch heels. And no ankles or necks were broken. SWEET! So. Much. Fun!

Anyway, on my way home, Sia's song "Breathe Me" came on. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but the lyrics say..

Be my friend,
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

I was instantly taken back to about a dozen days ago. I was singing that about every five minutes, wanting someone to coddle me and indulge in my self-pity. I didn't have what I thought were good friends because they weren't buying into it. Since I have gotten sober though, I say THANKFULLY they didn't buy into it. No one needs a needy person. I guess I didn't realize that because I didn't believe in myself, no one else could either. Instead of attracting people with my sad sad soul, I was turning them away from me. I was encouraging them to run away instead of hold me.

But now, I feel absolutely loved. And I think that might be because I love who I have become since starting this program. I'm not saying it's always going to be great, because it probably won't. Right now, though, I have a deep lust for life that is slowly turning into a love for my life. I feel like I'm constantly been glowing in a post-coital fashion, even though no coitus has been occurring. I feel like I'm actually alive and witnessing the great parts of life. And I think that's where I realize that sometimes, you do need to have a good rain storm to have a beautiful rainbow. But I never want a storm as bad as that one ever again. So I'll stay away from the rain clouds that come to me in the form of bottles and focus on bringing sunshine into my life. Maybe I've had too many Red Bulls late in the evening, but that's what I feel like right now. I feel like the song "You Are My Sunshine" is way closer to how I feel now.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you...

Thank you to my friends, who are beautiful souls that bring my sunshine to the surface, and thank you to the program, that's encouraging me to look for the sunshine instead of dwell on the rain. I love you both from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for letting me share.