Not *just* an alcoholic

When you're in the dumps, it's really hard to get out of them. And I think with sobriety this week, and reading these last few posts, I was thinking...hey, I'm getting sober, why aren't my problems going away? Then, after hearing a few good speakers, and talking with the sponsor, and my MFT (Mentor/Friend/Therapist) I realized...the problems aren't going to go away. That's life. Right now, I'm focusing all my energy on sobriety, but in the end, it's not going to be who I am. The sponsor and I were talking, hmm, Friday, I think it was...and she said something interesting. People who are in the program in the area I was formerly in the program are much more likely to say, "I'm an alcholic. So what?" As in, they only see themselves as just that. And, as Maria Shriver said the other day when I happened upon her talking at a book fair..."You are never *just* one thing...each one of us has a value." Each one of us has many different aspects to them, and even though right now I am focused on being an alcoholic, and recovering, that's not going to solve my problems in life completely, nor is it going to consume all of my life. Right now, it has to, so I can get better. It's just like that speaker I heard a few weeks ago, that because someone scratches his balls, that does NOT make him just a ball scratcher. No, he might be a father or a son or a great friend, and that's just something you're focused on. Similarly, alcoholics are teachers, they are doctors, they are the homeless, they are famous...and they, just like me, have to focus on staying strong and working on sobriety.

There's a certain high to being sober for the first month or so...mine lasted a little longer last time I started being sober. I have to admit, I've been getting off on it. What's not to be high about? I mean, it seems like This week, it ended, hence the sad posts and questioning of sobriety. I was kinda like, what's the point? I'm not getting any of my problems solved, I still feel sad sometimes, and I don't feel liked all the time. Then I realized...OH! It isn't going to solve everything, but it IS going to remove part of me. That whole alienation of people that I wrote about in earlier posts, that whole blurring of lines that allowed me to manipulate situations, that false sense of control...those will start to lessen because I'm not drinking. Will I still say stupid things? Will I still try and control things? Will I maybe try to manipulate still? Probably. It's all part of being human. But I'll be more aware of my actions and the importance of being a good person and feeling that light of loving life, and therefore be more attracted to doing the right things. I won't have a crutch of alcohol anymore, to blame and use as an excuse. Scary? Yeah. But in that fear I will gain a sense of being human, being Mireya, being a lot of different things. Most importantly, just being me. (Which, I have to admit, makes me want to sing that darn "She's just being Miley" song...but I will spare you.)

That's all I got, folks. At least for now.